Motherhood, Uncut

I thought I knew but I had no damn idea. This is the real life story of motherhood.

I understand that this is a miracle gift, a beautiful blessing but please let me vent about my newborn and the not so beautiful experience that also comes with it.

Where do I even begin, it’s been 3 months and motherhood is kicking my ass! The amount of stuff I Google, research and read drives my crazy. The information out there is so overwhelming it can get really stressful. You also hear other successful stories of mothers who have these perfect babies, sleeping all night at just 6 weeks old and you think why me, why can’t my baby be like that?!

In all honesty my baby isn’t that difficult, I’m just expecting a lot from him and sure, I’m a bit lazy and give in easily. I just want him to eat, cry, hush and sleep, which sounds so lovely but reality is far from that. He sleeps the best when he’s on me or beside me in bed; he’s officially took over my husbands side of the bed.

When I was pregnant everyone said the usual “you won’t sleep anymore” “newborn stage is so tough”. I thought okay sure but it can’t be thaaaat bad; they cry you just put them back to sleep. lol what a stupid girl I am! What I didn’t know is that it may take you 40 min-1 hour to put them back to bed when it’s 3am, or they can get so extremely fussy that nothing will calm them or they’re waking up every 2 hours or less.

Every single thing in my life is different. I wake up different, go to bed different, sleep different, eat different, nothing is the same. This aspect is really hard to deal with, you have zero time to do anything besides hold you baby, feed him, put him to sleep. I think of things like when will me and my husband sleep in the same bed again? When will our next date night be? When will I get a straight 6 hour sleep, I’m not even asking for 8! I do the same thing everyday, all day long like a playlist on repeat.

I know I asked for this, I wanted to have a baby, but like can a sista catch a break? Everyone tells me it gets better and I am anxiously waiting for that day to come! I’m constantly thinking when did he wake up, how long has he been awake for, when was the last time I fed him; I live by the clock. Oh, and I also have to be a wife. Your marriage definitely takes the back burner during this time, my husband and I rarely spend time together or do things together anymore because one of us is with the baby and one of us is just getting stuff done. I can confidently say there is nothing harder, more difficult, more mentally draining in life than being a mother or parent to an infant. Every hard task or obstacle in life comes to an end; whether it’s school, a sport or work; but motherhood lasts forever.

Please don’t take this as I’m unhappy to have a baby or I regret it because I don’t, it’s just HARD and I’m not afraid or embarrassed to admit it. Mothers are an entirely different creature, we deserve to be praised upon! I never understood or acknowledge the work that motherhood entails before becoming one myself and I appreciate us so much more now. Here’s to every mama, poppa and even grandparents supporting their children during this time, we’re in this together! xo.

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