Well, I’ve stopped crying everyday, that’s a good sign! I wasn’t crying from post partum depression, well maybe a few times, but all the tears were happy ones, I swear.
My friends, it’s officially been 1 month as a new first time mama! It’s been a surreal and very tough experience so far, definitely a complete 180 difference in my everyday life.
Little things like waking up to brush your teeth takes planning; showering, eating, drinking a coffee and doing any other chores or tasks takes time and strategic execution, lol. The most regular necessary things you do pre-baby are forever changed.
Sleep, lol! I read that newborns sleep for around 14 hours per day; I think my baby missed that memo. Angel slept amazing during the day for the first week and then it stopped. Night time is still tough, he’s up every 2 hours sometimes less. I know co-sleeping is dangerous, but when you sleep for 45 minutes at a time, co-sleeping sounds doctor approved. Angel can sleep the entire night when he’s in bed with me versus his bassinet. Although he is sleeping more often in his bassinet now; I just bring him in when he’s really fussy or when I give up. Sometimes I can’t help but hold him while he sleeps; It’s like sleeping with a teddy bear; soft, warm, sometimes I get pissed on but it’s all good. There are some good days; which are minimal and there are some bad days, I’m just anxiously waiting on the day it all gets easier.
I sleep alone with him at night, I make my husband sleep in another room. As much as I hate it, I do it because he’s up very early working a very physical and somewhat dangerous job. A safe and rested daddy is what Angel and mama need. On the weekends I allow him back in, lol because he doesn’t work so we can all sleep together, that’s my fav!
My husband took 1 week off when Angel was born and it was such a nice time; all of us together all day long. Jaleel was extremely helpful with me and the baby, I joke that he’s a bit too involved. Being a daddy came so natural to him and he genuinely enjoys it, not ever a complaint from him. It was a tough time for me when he returned to work, I think I cried for like 3 days leading up to his return. The emotions take over HARD post-partum; I would cry looking at my baby, looking at my husband with the baby, thinking about my baby, I was low key a crazy lady. I’m sane now, much less emo.
Fortunately I am able to breastfeed and it came very easy for me. As much as I wanted to pump and feed him from the bottle to save my breasts, it’s so much easier just to whip out the titty on command. Breastfeeding is said to be the best and most healthiest for the baby so I’m very glad I can do that for my child. I’m praying to every God that these precious boobies of mine don’t get affected, It’s hard to look at how much your body has changed and accept that it ain’t easy to fix or never going back to normal.
I never thought feeding a baby would require so much work either. Burping mid way feeding and after are very important to prevent gas; which turns into crying fits; which Angel currently has. It’s the toughest thing mentally because no matter how much you try to burp him nothing works and I just need to wait it out.
On a positive note, I’ve lost all my pregnancy weight and I’m back to pre baby weight! This alone helps so much with post-partum and everything else going on; at least I feel good about my body somewhat. I was entirely all baby weight; I was 200 lbs at delivery!
My day pretty much consists of feeding, changing, pumping and soothing; that’s pretty much it. I promise it’s not as boring as it sounds. I’m also constantly covered in spit up.
Overall, Angel is a great baby. Cries like a normal baby, eats like an animal and poo’s like a machine! He’s already getting too big and heavy for me, he’s 12 lbs! It’s weird to imagine that one day we’ll be having conversations and doing more things together but until then I will continue to enjoy his little face and adorable sound effects.